The Young Person's Guide to the Chorus, part 1 of 4

You may have heard of The Young Person's Guide to the Orchestra. Well, this is The Young Person's Guide to the Chorus. I found this on a humor website, so I take no personal responsibility for the content!

THE SOPRANOS are the ones who sing the highest, and because of this they think they rule the world. They have longer hair, fancier jewelry, and swishier skirts than anyone else, and they consider themselves insulted if they are not allowed to go at least to a high F in every movement of any given piece. When they reach the high notes, they hold them for at least half as long as the composer and/or conductor requires, and then complain that their throats are killing them. Sopranos have varied attitudes toward the other sections of the chorus, though they consider all of them inferior. Altos are to sopranos rather like second violins to first violins - nice to harmonize with, but not really necessary. All sopranos have a secret feeling that the altos could drop out and the piece would sound essentially the same, and they don't understand why anybody would sing in that range in the first place - it's so boring. Tenors, on the other hand, can be very nice to have around; besides their flirtation possibilities (it is a well-known fact that sopranos never flirt with basses), sopranos like to sing duets with tenors because all the tenors are doing is working very hard to sing in a low-to-medium soprano range, while the sopranos are up there in the stratosphere showing off. To sopranos, basses are the scum of the earth - they sing too loud, are useless to tune to because they're down in that low, low range - and there has to be something wrong with anyone who sings in the bass clef, anyway.